Where my heart speaks..

 Well, loving to talk a lot, I really have many stories to share.

Here it goes..

 

12th October 2008, exciting yet nervous evening.. 

Hehee.. Have a new mission to accomplish - making a gift for someone close to me! Hmm.. But have no idea of what to make..

 

List of stuff I've done for people as gifts :

~ cross-stitched keychain

~ a song without music arrangement

~ a song without lyrics

~ small pillows

~ D.I.Y cards

~ butter cookies

 

The one this time is a close one, need to make something meaningful.. What will this person like? Actually I've started composing my first song with complete arrangement since August as this gift, but sigh.. My trial-version music composer expired and there it goes, my progress stopped. Now I think maybe this time make something special, unique.. Which I never tried before.. Hmm.. What other skill do I have? Should I bake my home-made butter cookies like the one I gave to Pastor Yeong's family? Oh yea! I have learnt to bake frozen cheese cake.. Hehee.. Maybe can try that one.. Mm..? No, should make something that can be kept la.. Something memorable one ma..

Ei..?! What about.. Hehee.. Ok, set! Yeah! This gift-making process is going to be great! Thanks Father, for the idea.. And the talent you gave me.. Hehee.. 开工开工!!

 

6th October 2008, exciting night..

Having been hoping to have another prayer walk in UTP (I missed the first one). Finally, praise God that some brothers and sisters agreed to participate. I'm very excited! And after waiting for so long, I finally got 'permission' from two senior brothers. So everything's gonna be fine. Yeah! Tomorrow, prayer walk.. prayer walk!

It's exciting to pray for this campus. Hmm.. Hehee.. Very excited le. K, Stephanie, stop smiling weirdly to yourself la wei. Should get prepared for tomorrow. Excited! Let's look forward to our Morning Walk With Jesus!

 6th October 2008, joyful afternoon..

Very happy very happy very happy!

After quite a long period of being sad, the cheerful Stephanie's now back!

really thank God for answering my prayer, I got my problem solved. Hehee.. Don't ask me what's that problem la, very hard to share also, hehee.. Now I know I'm not that unappreciated. God planned it to help me learn something very important, that's to love selflessly. 

Yea, all I think about everyday is LOVE, be it loving God, loving people, or loving myself. ^^.. Lol..

For me, that's what drives my life; it's because of God's love that I'm here.

Feeling very happy that I'm loved, as a servant, as a child, as a friend, as a sister and.. anyone that I can be to other people lo.

Hehee.. The joy God restored in me continues from yesterday afternoon till now! Praise God, love you so much Lord! Really thank Him for loving me this much. Though sometimes feel like I'm unwanted, but should always remember that God always loves me yea..

Hmm.. Thanks to all brothers and sisters who have been cheering me up, helping me out throughout this period of sorrow. Really thank God for friends yea.. Sorry my friends, for spoiling the joyful atmosphere many times by pulling my face. Praise God I'm fine now. It's true that when we love others selflessly, we will be loved.

Love = Time

The best time to love = Now

How much time you are willing to spend for someone determines how much you love him/her. If you find it hard to express your love to someone, learn to give more of your time to him/her without hoping for a return. Because that's the best way you can make a person feel loved.

Love one more person today yea!

 4th October 2008, guilty midnight..

Coming back from dinner at Tronoh, we were stopped by the guard at the entrance. Intending to help our driver (mr. TH) who didn't bring student card, there was a series of passing student cards (including IC) to one another. But just too unfortunate that the guard found out about it.

At that moment, all that I could think about was fear. I was so afraid if the guard found that we're Christians, telling lies. I was so worried at one point. Until we were let go after getting scolded by the guard for telling lies, I felt relieved.

Initially, I planned to have my Household of Faith to pray for our family. But as I pondered over what had happened, I could feel deeply that God was greatly disappointed by us for the sin we committed earlier. I then had the burden to pray for our living testinony as Christians.

Prayer meeting was going on well, though there were only 5 of us. But surely God's presence is with us, even now. But really had a repentance over what we had just done - lying.

I still can't get the guilt out of me. Feeling so guilty for all the little sins that we've committed till now. As God says, there's no difference between big or small sins - all are sins which disappointed God.

God, thanks for convicting me..

 3rd October 2008, stronger morning, I hope..

Here're my hands, Father..

Waking up, I received something expected. I would have cried again by it, but wow, I didn't.. Just had a weird feeling of emptiness within me.. Don't know if that's healthy..

Hahaa.. Tired of running after someone who speeds off so fast. It's really time for me to learn to let go love like how God loves, not demanding for any return. Maybe by that, I'll be more contented. Yes I know I will, because God is teaching me to be strong through Him alone. I must learn. No more self-pitiness Stephanie! Man may not see you growing, but it's enough that God knows. Even it's a little growth..

Hmm, it's daddy's birthday, had wished him just now. But again, the same kind of response..

"Oh, good aa you call.. Ey, very noisy here. Cannot hear you. Later you call again la ha? Thank you. Bye bye.."

Yes, that's how my naughty daddy talks.. Sweat.. Sometimes I feel like we are friends - he likes to talk formally. Sometimes also feel like I'm more mature than him. Hahaa!

Well, one of my brothers in Christ had just lost his beloved father. It alerts me about daddy's salvation once again. To me, I really will be fine if anyone of my loved ones passes away. As long as I know they are saved by our Savior Jesus Christ. But hey, this daddy of mine makes me worried.. Seriously I myself is not that 'great' that I'm sure I'll enter God's Kingdom someday, but I'm really worried for my loved ones. Better I suffer than them.

Actually I'm not feeling fine now.. I should say I don't know what am I feeling now. But for sure it's not positive. But I don't want it to be negative la Father.. Should be glad that I'm feeling empty, at least I can hold the tears..

It's time for me to stand up firm, not begging others for attention yea.. Hahaa.. Sounds so pity, Stephanie.. Don't la wei.. God loves you so much k..

Praise God, I'm smiling to myself now. (-^_^-)

At least I don't make God feel sad by pulling my face when He has beautified my life so much.. Aiye..

Should make today a better day yea, rejoice in God la aiyo..

 3rd October 2008, empty midnight..

Wondering if it's a good day or not..

Yesterday, as usual, there're nice things that happened as well as not good things.But always, it's the not-so-good thing that manipulates our emotion for the rest of the day, ignoring the nice things that had actually made us smile earlier on. Well, that's normal especially for me. But thank God, I'm feeling better now.

God taught me something very important, that's to know completely that He's the only one for me to rely on without getting hurt. But, as girls who have stopped relying on any guy (meaning ever started boy-girl-relationship), we tend to need someone (besides God) for us to rely on.

Well, today's daddy's birthday le.. Must remember to wish him later. Hmm, so sad always can't celebrate for him at home. Obviously, 'cause it always is during study time; we're always not at home at this time.

Arghh! I really feel embarrassed now, for what I've just done in about 4 hours ago. I was too emotional that I let my own cat out of my bag, somemore to the person who should not be the one to know at all.. But thank God also, as I really feel relieved after pouring all feelings out, at least now I feel contented to be on my own.

It's not easy, but really praise God for His love embraces me so much that I'm able to stand up again.

Opps, it's 3.15am already, should sleep now yea.. Can't believe that I stay up this late for a website.. Lol.. Nite nite.. Zzz..