A Journal with God..

"Do your own work well, And then you will have something to be proud of. But don't compare yourself with others." ~ Galatians 6:4

My bus ticket from Medan Gopeng, Ipoh to LCCT wrote this:

Star Shuttle
9.00pm
02-12-2008

So my friends and I planned a wonderful shopping trip to Jaya Jusco Ipoh before sending me to Medan Gopeng (the name of the bus station). We planned to depart from Jusco to Medan Gopeng the latest at 8pm. But well, as we were over-excited for shopping and having dinner, we came to a mutual agreement that we would depart a little bit late, at 8.20pm as a consideration for friends who hadn't had their dinner.

All right, then by the time we really started the car engine to leave Jusco, it was 8.37pm already. I was worried that I wasn't worried for being late. ==" Maybe it was because that my friend who was driving was a bit too nervous and she kind of feeling guilty for departing late, thus in order to calm her down, I had to calm down. I kept comforting her by saying, "it's all right. Don't rush, just drive carefully."

But then, as the minute hand of my watch approached 12, I started to comfort myself, and kept telling myself that God will provide, even if I missed the bus. Wow! Then what happened after this was a little bit contradict to what I told myself now.

Okay so when we finally reached Medan Gopeng, it was 9.03pm already and undeniably, yes now I was nervous. I rushed down the car and my eyes were busy searching for any bus of Star Shuttle. But I couldn't find one! That drove me crazy. Forgetting what I told myself earlier, that God is a God who provides, I started to get very nervous and worried. Running here and there, asking anyone who I thought would help.

I remember one guy of another bus company whom I asked told me this: "I don't know." with quite a wicked smile. All right, obviously I had no more time to entertain him and I left for another target to be asked. Until I was really hopeless, I went to the counter of Star Shuttle and asked the person in charge. Guess what he told me? Praise God aa, the bus is reaching Medan Gopeng at 9.30pm. The ticket stated at 9pm because it would be departed from Bercham Ipoh fisrt, and would reach Medan Gopeng at about 9.30pm. At that moment, I felt like screaming "I love you God!" in front of the counter. Hahaa.. Well, I did but not really screaming aloud la, soft scream.. Soft scream only le.. Hehee..

Again, it was indeed a test of faith again, erm.. Though I don't know am I considered to have passed the test for not being worried at first or not. Hehee.. However, I really thank God and yes, I couldn't wait to post this testimony right at that moment. Hahaa.. But then, I found that the whole bus were guys except for me alone. At first I wasn't dared to sleep at all. But knowing that sleeping at LCCT would be more unlikely, thus I told myself, "wherever God places me at, there will be the safest place for me because He is there with me". And thank God, I finally slept peacefully till I reached LCCT.

Hmm.. God is great la. Though it seems like this trip is not going to be very smooth, but so far, I enjoyed it. It's kind of making me nervous, worried, yet excited! Hehee.. Well, afterall, travelling alone doesn't appear to be as scary as what I used to think or imagine.. Praise God for the chance of growth. ^^

Just finished my second paper today. Hmm, it was Maths..

Have a short testimony to share. It happened during the exam. Frankly, I didn't really prepare well for the paper. Then I even studied and did my revision for this paper while listening to Hillsongs' Blessed album (my concentration is easily attracted to music and I DON'T study while listening to songs except for this one time). I didn't purposely plan to hear songs while revising, just still too so-called on fire to listen to these songs which we sang during last Sunday Service.

So during the exam, I remembered there were few questions which I wasn't really sure on how to answer them. I knew what techniques and concepts those questions required, but I just couldn't recall what Prof. Abbas (my maths lecturer) taught in his lectures for each particular technique needed to solve these problems.

For the first one where I got stuck, it was like, suddenly the steps of the technique just popped out in my mind as I started getting nervous and I couldn't stop whispering 'Praise God' to myself. ~whee~

Going on till the last one, obviously at that time, I was racing with the remaining 15 minutes already. To be honest, I was more nervous plus didn't want to give up because I had that technique kind of 'sketched' in my mind already, just couldn't recall the exact steps only. (~sigh~ just admit that you don't really know the whole technique le, Stephanie.. -.-")

And at this very moment where I was racing so nervously with time, this particular fast worship song - Now that You're near - just kept playing in my mind until the point that I gave in to the 'temptation' and I started to enjoy singing in my heart for almost the whole chorus! I was in great dillema when I quickly 'forced' myself to stop singing (in my heart) after realizing that I was actually singing when the time was running out! Then I started focusing in solving the last problem. Was quite sad that time coz the Stephanie that time didn't allow me to sing.. T_T ~cruel~

Well, back to the story. Then after stopping myself from singing (the 'cruel' and rational ~ehem~ Stephanie that time ~.~" : "so enjoyed in singing when time is running out, with expression of feelings some more.. bey ley kek sey.." the Stephanie who's 'so passionate' in singing at that time T_T : "praising God ma, cannot meh.." ), then I thought to myself, actually shouldn't stop myself from singing also aa, it's a really rare scenario where I could actually give praise to God at times of so-called being in trouble. Thus, finally, I allowed myself to continue singing, this time with full attention of worshipping God. ( (,^_^,) So touched, thank you 'rational' Stephanie for the permission..)  And here's the best part and where the testimony came by. I got the solution! It just suddenly came to my mind when I was still dwelling in the song! Really praise God aa.. Hehee.. But then of course I quickly stopped singing and wrote down the whole solution le..

p/s: luckily at that time, I had about 10 minutes to complete my answer.. ~phew~  Really thank God a lot.. Again, God keeps his promise when he says, "seek me and you will find"  ~ Matthew 7:7  One more step forward in my journey of faith! Thank you Father.. Love you so much..

"Oh no, I'm going to travel alone down to Ipoh.. T_T "

This short journey - travelling down to Ipoh - may seem simple to many people, but to me, it's a big big scary task to accomplish. I was supposed to travel down to Ipoh and meet a pastor (my pastor's wife). At first, I had a few friends who invited me to go to Ipoh but when it's time for me to go, none of them were available. Thus, I made up my mind that I'd learn to travel myself this time. (No choice already also..)

As I planned my this 'first trip of life', it wasn't a problem for me to take a bus from UTP to Ipoh, because I think my friends ever brought me down few times. But it was only yesterday that I knew the place I'd transit my bus later is called Medan Kidd. It's pretty good that I learnt about the name of this new place. When it came to thinking of how to come back from Ipoh to UTP, I started to get worried, and as usual, my tears were already queueing up, waiting to be released from my eye sockets.. I really was losing my faith of being able to come back to UTP safely. Then after asking around, I found someone who was nice enough to agree to bring me back from Ipoh to UTP, as he could arrange his trip back from home (he stays in Ipoh) to UTP to suit my time. Praise God aa.. At that moment I was very happy and I shall say, I didn't actually care if I was taking people's help for granted.

Just after about an hour or longer, I somehow realized that I shouldn't bother people. Some more, mummy suggested to have pastor to send me back. Thus, without any delay, I quickly informed the friend that I'll be following pastor (by faith I said that) and so he could come back to UTP earlier as he planned.

Then, I couldn't find pastor after calling him twice. This time, I really burst into tears. I felt like I was lost that I didn't know what should I do: should I just bother my friend; should I just choose to bother pastor and ask him to send me back; or should I travel back myself.
I later thought of my angel, and I waved out an electronic signal of 'SOS'. But I received no response and I cried even harder.. Oh man, why are you always that weak, Stephanie?

I was covering myself in my blanket, crying, when suddenly I got the response that I'd been waiting for. Praise God aa.. Thankfully, God spoke to me and comforted me again through my angel, telling me that,

" If a short journey and simple travelling like this also u wanna cry ad, how would u do greater things for God next time? And walk the longer journey for God? Develop your faith :) "

Yea it's true. Just couldn't help myself to be rational when I got myself too nervous ma. So last night, I had my brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for my faith and journey mercy for today's journey, and I was quite ready to face anything.
Then on my way back from prayer meeting, Michelle called me up, offering to drive me out as she is free. Frankly, I was confused with my feelings at that point. On one hand, I was greatly relieved by the worries and fears of travelling alone. On the other hand, I was quite disappointed that I would be giving away a chance for God to develop my faith by having Michelle to drive me down. I thought I could come back safely and tell God and my angel proudly that, "I can do it!" But later I took the offer and I told myself, God surely knows what's the best for me.

And here's where the testimony comes in. On our way to Ipoh this morning, pastor suddenly called me up and told me that today might not be the right time to meet his wife (the one I was supposed to meet), thus maybe need to change to another day. Then he continued on, that if I want to make it today, then it would be late like at about 5pm. After discussing with Michelle, we decided to go down Ipoh again at about 4pm after this, because I really cannot find any other time to leave for Ipoh.

Pondering on what has happened, I wonder.. If I were to travel down to Ipoh alone this morning and only then I received this call from pastor, would I be crying helplessly in the midst of Ipoh town, which is still a new place for me..

God really knows what's the best He has for us. This time, I really learnt that, no matter how I plan my way or create my own chance, in the end it's God's plan which I'll be heading to. Really thank God for what that has happened and by the way, the dim sum this morning really was great la, Michelle.. (-^_^-)