my-journal-with-god

Strengthen me Father..

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 10:35:16 +0100

I cry out to You Lord! Father calm me down, grant me the assurance that everything is under Your control Lord. Satan deceives me. He keeps lying to me that worse things would happen. Lord I cast him out of me in Jesus' strong name Lord. Father hold my hands tight Lord. I need You..

How much have I made You grieve..

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 07:28:26 +0100

Father, I kneel down at Your throne.. I worship You Lord, for Your endless love and mercy upon me.

Father, thank You for letting me feel this tiny portion of the grief that I have been making You feel all this while Lord. Thank You for letting me understand that I can make a difference in lives by choosing to love like You do Father. And Lord, I'm sorry for sinning all this while. Now I know how much, at least, do You feel for every time that we Your loved children choose to sin. But this least of pain that I have felt is really just what I can take. Lord, You are too great Father! I love You Father for everything.. Thank You for what that had happened - all hurt, all lesson, all reconciliation, all love.. God You are awesome! Take over my life once again Lord!

I want a break-through..

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 12:51:35 +0100

Regarding yesterday's devotion material that talked about being holy in all that I do.. I fail to persevere today.. I have raised my voice for few times at amelia (my younger sis) today..

Feeling like defending myself by giving reasons why I gave in to raise my voice at her, but I know I have no good excuse at all. Coz I, too, have been a sinner and Jesus has shown me how He manages to always forgive me and love me this much. Why I can't even show this kind of love to my own sister? Some more is raising my voice few times in one day..

Father, before praying for amelia, I now pray and ask that you humble my heart and teach me how to love like you do. Grant me a break-through Father. I'm sorry Lord.. Thank you Father for always loving me..

In Jesus' strong name, amen.

I love You!

Fri, 05 Jun 2009 09:16:44 +0100

Father, I have a lot to thank You for.. In fact, I should thank You for everything, especially for granting me this breathe now.. ^^

God, I praise You for the blessing that You have just granted me Father.. Seriously thank You so much.. And I love You so much Lord.. Help me learn to appreciate this blessing by being obedient to You more Father. Please keep reminding me that I'm a Christian every moment as this breathe continues Lord.. ^^

Being righteous in God's eyes..

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 04:04:31 +0100

"And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." ~ James 5:15-16

The last sentence in the verse makes me realized why some of my prayers before this weren't answered: because I was unrighteous and self-centered. There was something shameful hidden in my life, and I was living a double life. I always thought I had repented, yet I continued the same mistake. A sister in Christ spoke to me about it, yet I took it lightly, and continued driving my way on the crooked path.

Just before I could knocked on the wall, God Himself pulled my break, and saved me all for once. I slowly took the step to be healed. Tough, very tough. Because it didn't involve me alone. To repent, I had to think of the people other than me that involved. And I chose to leave and walk towards God's light, bringing that hidden shame into the glory of God, alone.

To the eyes of the world, I was selfish because I left. But deep inside me I knew that was the best thing I could do for God, even if it means sacrificing relationships. "The best time to repent is now, don't drag and wait till things get worse. Nothing that falls short of God's glory can turn out to be better to God in any way." That was the urge by my faith within me.

Until I learned to walk in the light again; until I left the second life; until I let God cleanse and heal me, I could not serve Him like how I am today. I praise God for everyone whom He has used to save me. Though I know today somewhere in this world, there is someone who still couldn't forgive me for my 'selfishness', but I pray that God will also grant His healing, like how He is granting me mine.

Now I really believe that God works in and for righteous lives. Don't complain when God intervenes your life. Instead, pray that He always gets Himself involved in everything we do. So that we are alert to not give in to the temptations upon this sinful nature of ours.

The Triangle Love..

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:00:49 +0100

Yes, this is the love that I am seeking now. The triangle simply represents Him, him and her.

Here, I would like to share with anyone that are in a boy-girl-relationship about this love. On top of this triangle, is God, the two bottom edges are you and your partner.

Many times, partners tend to run after one another. It seems pretty sweet, but then the Triangle will collapse because the two edges have combined and transformed the triangle into a line.

Sometimes, one partner is running after another, while the other partner running after God. It sounds 'quite safe' with one partner being strong spiritually. But still, the Triangle will collapse, too, because one edge combines with the tip and again, the triangle changes to be a line.

Let's see if the three edges stay as where they are, separated. Hmm.. No no.. This won't work. Understanding and faith can't grow without being together as one body.

Now then, if both the partners run towards God at the top of the relationship, eventually they will both meet and unite with God. The Triangle is now a point. No matter where the point is, it is always that strong: its shape won't alter.

One thing we all of the same faith need to remember, that without God in the relationship, no relationship will last long in 'good condition'.

Erm.. This concept of Triangle Love is not my idea, it's something I heard from someone as an advice to my own relationship. I personally faced a great failure in relationship because of one of the 'altered triangle' situations above. And now, that I feel so want to share this with all of you who are reading this post now. Being in a boy-girl-relationship is not something wrong if you walk it through by God's way. But if you feel that your relationship is now falling under any of the 'altered triangle' situations above, please.. It's time to take the corrective step now. Even if it costs your long-built relationship, don't hesitate to make a U-turn now. You won't know how great God can bless you if you choose to follow Him even if it means to sacrifice a lot at that moment.

It's not easy, I know. I went through it. And I pray that anyone yoked by this burden now be set free in Jesus Christ's precious name. I'm not expert in counseling people regarding relationship matters. But if you need anyone to share anything that is burdening you, do feel free to drop a message to me at the A private message for nie.. message box at the bottom of my page, about me. Don't worry about the confidentiality of your message, because that comment box is only accessible by me alone.

Bring your stories in the darkness into the light, and then you will experience God's true light..

May God bless you all..

A cry for break-through..

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 02:22:16 +0100

Taking up the post as the prayer coordinator, I really know very little on leadership of interceding.

Recognizing every night's prayer meeting as a place for me to know my brothers and sisters in Christ more, I had misunderstood that prayer meeting was about fellowship. That misinterpretation led to my wrong leadership - instead of leading people to intercede through prayers, I always lead people to share their days and their needs; it's all about ourselves.

Until last 12th March, it started off as a normal prayer meeting. And as we shared about our ups and downs in spiritual life, somehow a calling for revival started to happen. One by one of us felt the presence of God in the prayer hut, and this is my first experience of the kind during prayer meeting. Michelle started sharing how on fire were they for prayer meeting during her time. Comparing to now, the meaning of prayer meeting really has altered - from interceding to personal sharing and having fellowship.

I was quite shocked personally for the experience I had that night. I never knew prayer could have such a power. Recalling comments people have for me about my prayer leadership, one of the few that I am aware of is that, I am always being too draggy. Pondering over it, I think it is true most of the time. I had unconsciously turned the prayer meeting into some sort of sharing like those that we have during cell group. I just feel the need to have a break-through in leading people to intercede. God has spoken to me and convicted me that I was leading the prayer meeting in the wrong way than it should be, thus, I need to do something about it instead of getting discouraged and hindering myself from serving Him more.

Here, brothers and sisters in Christ, I ask that you all keep me in your prayer. Please pray that God guide me the right way in serving Him especially in interceding for people. I really need this break-through. It's not about me being a prayer coordinator that I ask you for this support in prayer, but to me, it is essential for my spiritual growth as well. I thank you for your prayers. God bless.. ^^

Spiritual ups and downs..

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 07:29:52 +0100

Looking at my previous post 3 days ago, it sounds so sorrowful..

Yet the next day of it, I was fine already.. Many times, it's just the manipulation of our emotions. We often think that the hard time that we face is too long for us to bear. But once we overcome it, we will slowly realize it actually didn't take so long also, only one day.. We are just not patient enough to seek for God's strength and wait for His next line of script for our life. And we like to write our own preferable 'story line'. We thought what we could think of is the best that we can have. But if it's different from God's story line for our life, then it's definitely not the best script because God will always reserve the best for us. We surely can't find any better ones from what God has rejected before He gave us what we are having now.

We all have our spiritually weak time. Thus, at this moment, we need spiritual support from our brothers and sisters around us.

"When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, I was as stupid as an animal." ~ Psalm 73:21-22

So brothers and sisters, when I am spiritually down, please remind me of this again. Sharing it here now is to be a reminder to each other. So that when one falls down, the others can help him up again. As Paul said,

"I want us to help each other with the faith we have. Your faith will help me, and my faith will help you." ~ Romans 1:12

If you are still standing still in God's Word today, keep an eye for any brothers or sisters who are falling down spiritually, and remind them of these words, so that we don't leave anyone behind in our spiritual journey with God.. ^^

God loves all of us so much..

Father hold my hands..

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 03:33:37 +0100

God, you know what's happening to me.. Please show me a clear direction..

God, you know how my weakness contributes to worsening my growth this time.. Please guide me closely..

God, you know the best plan for me.. Please lead and discipline me to walk to that path..

God, you know I am falling down.. Please hold me up..

I thank you for this problem Lord, but grant me the strength to overcome it the way you want me to..

A simple gift of love for Christmas..

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 15:45:56 +0100

So this was what I had been doing from 7.30am till 12pm today - preparing some self-made buns and sending them out to families, inserted with a little card written with my blessing and God's Word.

Hmm.. This is the best idea of reaching out for God that I could think of this year aa.. So I was quite excited for it last night.

7.30am ~ mixing the dough with mummy's help (the mixer at my home is the giant size one, which is still making mummy worried if it's too heavy for me to carry alone ==")
8.00am ~ rolling and dividing the dough into smaller portions, again with mummy's help
8.10am ~ getting more nervous because mummy just left, starting to shape my so-called Christmas-candy-cane buns
8.50am ~ having just started to shape my Christmas-tree buns (well, just found out that there's no more pandan paste for green coloring at our kitchen at home ==")
9.10am ~ "Daddy! Get the steamer ready! I'm about to finish!" .. "Huh? You do it yourself la.. Just on the fire! I put water for you already!" All right, surely he was watching his fav Hindi channel in the living room.. =="
9.25am ~ "Why you on the fire so early? Your pau not yet finished growing le.." "No, daddy. I'm too slow. I get the fire ready first ma, scared the pau gets over-yeasted later.." "Aiya, not yet that one.. The water can boil quickly." "Ok lo, you go and off the fire for me first la.." "(daddy)..==" "
9.35am ~ after putting the buns into the steamer.. "You see the time now. After 15 minutes you can take it out later." "Oo.."
9.49am ~ "Daddy! Take my pau liao!" "You take it yourself la. Just off the fire and pull out the cover.." "(me"..==" "
10.00am ~ starting the second task of writing meaningful little cards to be inserted with the buns
10.45am ~ then starting to wrap the buns
12.00pm ~ finally it's done!!

~ my buns.. Not bad la ho, at least some of the Christmas-candy-cane buns really did look like one, hehee ~

~ sigh.. A green Christmas tree became a milky one, and the shape.. Hmm.. Still not very satisfying. Try again next year ~

Hmm.. I think I took quite a long process to complete my mission. But well, I really was very satisfied when I finally finished everything. I don't know how helpful is this way of reaching out for God, but I believe God has greater plans out of the simple little things that we are willing to do for Him.

So brothers and sisters in Christ, we really have to remind one another to continue reaching out to the lost souls for God with any ability that we have. If you are made to love singing, reach out by singing out God's love to people around you. If you are made to love painting, reach out by painting out God's love to people around you. If you are made to love baking, reach out by baking out God's love to people around you. If you are made to love talking, reach out by sharing God's love with people around you. There's no such thing like "I don't know what am I able to do to reach out for God".. It's only about a choice that you make.